#Dating
Do you have a disability and often don't have the opportunity to meet other people who are also looking to connect or build a relationship? Are you looking for genuine in person connections with others, this event is for you! No age ranges everyone welcome for our next all ability speed dating on the Central Coast. Only the people who are looking to actually speed date need to purchase tickets, carers or support workers are able to attend to assist with filling in of paper work or any guidance which may be needed throughout the evening.
People with I/DD want to be in relationships, but often struggle with just how to meet people. One of the ways they can meet people is through dating apps, but how do we successfully support someone when using dating apps? This can be challenging for anyone, whether you're a person with I/DD or someone who supports them. For example, as a support person, you might be asking yourself: How can I help someone when I don't know anything about these apps? What do I need to understand in order to be supportive in a positive way versus a fear based way? What knowledge and skills are needed in order for people with I/DD to navigate these apps safely?Join us for this online workshop and leave feeling more confident that you can handle this topic.
Learning Objectives:
By the end of this 90 minute workshop, participants will be able to:
- Examine various current, popular apps that people with I/DD can use to meet new partners. Witness a very basic overview/demo.
- Explore the difference between disability-specific apps, such as Glimmer, and apps for anyone, such as Tinder. Discuss how to talk about these differences with those you support.
- Examine what knowledge and skills are needed to navigate these apps safely, including avoiding common scams.
- Explore dating app topics such as "courting" strategies, rights and privacy, and dealing with rejection.
This is a 90-minute online workshop for professionals, administrators, self-advocates, parents, etc. We use Zoom, a video conference platform to deliver the workshop. There will be opportunity for questions and live engagement with the presenters.
Workshop Date: Thursday, September 16, 2021 from 2 pm to 3:30 pm eastern time (please note your time zone)
Access Instructions: After you register you will get a confirmation email with instructions on how to access the workshop. If you don't get the email check your spam. You must have a stable internet connection to join, or you can call in via phone.
Workshop Presenters:
Kate Napolitano, MA, LCSW is currently the Social Relationships and Sexuality Educator for an agency that serves individuals with I/DD, called Wildwood Programs, of Albany, NY. She also runs a small private psychotherapy practice in NY's Hudson Valley, specializing in matters concerning Sexuality, Relationships and Sexual Identities. Kate entered the clinical social work field in 2012, and has been studying the intersections of disability for the duration of that time. She holds a masters in Human Sexuality from NYU, and a masters in Social Work from Fordham University. Most recently, she is a founding member of new professional alliance SEDD: Sexuality Educators supporting people with Developmental Disabilities in NY. For more information about this new alliance, Kate can be reached at [email protected].
Katherine McLaughlin, M.Ed., CSE is a national expert and trains individuals, staff, and parents on sexuality and developmental disabilities. She teaches sexuality education to people with DD/ID as well as trains them to be peer sexuality educators themselves. Katherine is the author of an agency and school curriculum: Sexuality Education for People with Developmental Disabilities, and has developed two online courses; one to train professionals, Developmental Disability and Sexuality 101, and one for parents: Talking to Your Kids: Developmental Disabilities and Sexuality. Katherine has spent her career trying to elevate the status of all people, which is why the new name for her growing company is Elevatus Training.
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Come and join Supported Loving's Reflective Learning Group for anyone working with people with learning disabilities and/or autism delivering relationships and sex education. Working in this area can be challenging but as a community we can grow and learn - there is always something new to learn!
Each month we will take a topic to discuss and reflect upon what are the challenges and what has worked/ positive approaches.
Relationships, Disability, and Youth: Talking with Youth about Intimacy and Relationships.
About this Event
Caregivers, parents, and supportive staff often provide messages about relationships with youth as they grow. What messages about disability and relationships are young people getting from adults and other areas in their life? This three-part series will look at ways to talk about friendships, family, romance and other relationships and how we can set the foundation for healthy relationships throughout life.
Important Dates:
October 17 - Part 1: How do we define relationships and intimacy?
November 14 - Part 2: What is needed to form healthier relationships?
December 12 - Part 3: How do we have conversations about relationships?
Relationships, Disability, and Youth: Talking with Youth about Intimacy and Relationships.
About this Event
Caregivers, parents, and supportive staff often provide messages about relationships with youth as they grow. What messages about disability and relationships are young people getting from adults and other areas in their life? This three-part series will look at ways to talk about friendships, family, romance and other relationships and how we can set the foundation for healthy relationships throughout life.
Important Dates:
October 17 - Part 1: How do we define relationships and intimacy?
November 14 - Part 2: What is needed to form healthier relationships?
December 12 - Part 3: How do we have conversations about relationships?
Hilarious Comedian Ryan Niemiller Talks About Dating With A Disability - America's Got Talent 2019
Every body: glamour, dateability, sexuality & disability | Dr. Danielle Sheypuk | TEDxBarnardCollege
Relationships, Disability, and Youth: Talking with Youth about Intimacy and Relationships.
About this Event
Caregivers, parents, and supportive staff often provide messages about relationships with youth as they grow. What messages about disability and relationships are young people getting from adults and other areas in their life? This three-part series will look at ways to talk about friendships, family, romance and other relationships and how we can set the foundation for healthy relationships throughout life.
Important Dates:
October 17 - Part 1: How do we define relationships and intimacy?
November 14 - Part 2: What is needed to form healthier relationships?
December 12 - Part 3: How do we have conversations about relationships?
Enjoy an evening with Award-Winning Filmmaker, Disability Rights Activist, Emerson College graduate, Entrepreneur and new father Alexander Freeman at the Kendall Square Cinema as he screens his documentaries, The Last Taboo and The Wounds We Cannot See. Alexander will do a Q&A after each film and speak about sexuality and disability as well as his experience of being a parent with a disability.
Take a Look at This Heart, by Ben Duffy is a film documentary that explores the romantic, love, friendship experiences of individuals living with diverse disabilities.
Check out the trailer:
The Advice of Doctor Love part 3
Welcome back to the Audacious Aspie! This week, we will finish up on the article on Doctor Love, we are so close to the end (release! Sweet release!), that we will be able to move on to another topic. And perhaps, upon performing some deep breathing, yoga, or taking medication, we can look back on all this and think to ourselves: has anything changed? Only one way to find out.
We all know the stereotype of Autism and romance: We are cold, uncaring individuals. If we were a movie villain, we would be the Terminators. But, as we and those who take the time to get to know us know, that is not the case. As the Doctor notes, we are human beings with our own feelings and passions (and kinks) just like everyone else, and it does not solely revolve around our condition. We, too, are sexual beings. Apparently, the Doctor says, most parents of Autistic/Asperger children “are afraid to let their autistic children make mistakes” (Love and sex are messy section).
See this mess? This is how messy combining one of our most intense emotions with a basic want is. Now go clean it up.
But, just as the name of the section applies, love and sex is not exactly the smoothest ride. There is a reason why lots of couples are getting divorced today, and it’s not a latest craze. To quote the doctor again “this is the stuff of life. To deny us the opportunity to embrace our sexuality is to deny us the human experience.” (Love and sex are messy section). And now, we come to the section of the article that involves dating tips. But there’s a twist, it’s for the Neurotypicals.
Number 1: Expect the Unexpected. As you may already know, those of us on the spectrum don’t usually express ourselves in the same way as most other people do, either verbally or not. And there is the hint: our gums may not be flapping a whole lot, but our body actions can speak volumes.
Number 2: If your dropping hints, might as will speak in tongues. Hints for us is like trying to decipher code: we won’t always know what you are trying to say, or completely scramble the message altogether. Think of it like this: If you’re trying to shoot a target, actually try to shoot the target, not to the side in hopes that it will move towards the bullet. It won’t. Or, remember the wise words of Yoda “do, or do not. There is no try”. Because, as a warning, we ourselves are nothing if not straight shooters in this regard.
And finally, number 3, and from what I can see, the Autistic/Asperger community cannot stress this enough: Don't. Take. it. Personally. We will, more often than not (varying on how for along the spectrum your date is on), need time to be on our own for some R@R. Being around people all the time can be stress testing at best, exhausting at worst. So when we say we need to be alone, it means we need to be alone, not to be alone with you, or anyone else. Alone. Imagine it being with a machine constantly emitting a low buzzing sound, times by however many other people there within hearing distance as will, and you’ll have a general idea of what it’s like.
Will, that sums it up for the Doctor of Love. There are tips for being a person on the spectrum dating someone who is neurotypical, but I’ll leave it for you to look it up in the link description below. What will we look at next week? I don’t know. I mean, it’s a surprise (for me as much as it is for you). Until next time, this continues to be, the Audacious Aspie.
Sources used:
How To Catch The Fishies.
Welcome back to the Audacious Aspie! This week, we will continue looking at how to thrive and survive in the dating scene as an Autistic/Asperger person. Last week we left off with the fun tid-bit on the proliferation of Autism in New Jersey, this week we will continue with the new story. What more does Dr. Love say on dating and Autism?
Love requires patience, just like getting these two pages to bend just right without falling over or losing the shape. Lots, and lots of patience.
Be who you are. That is a common lesson for everyone who starts on the path of romance, Autistic/Aspergers or not. However, because we all know, either consciously or not, of the negative assumptions and beliefs that often follows when mentioning Autism/Aspergers, perhaps especially on the subject of romance, we tend to want to act like we are not on the spectrum. When most people think of Autistic people dating, we think of struggles, ex: the spouse may not accept the Autistic person, in part or in whole. The spouse might be abusive either emotionally or otherwise towards the Autistic person, or may lead them astray, to name a few.
Since we have literally (until very recently with media like Autism In Love and the like) no Autistic/Asperger role models on how to behave when dating, I believe we fall back on the image and anxieties we know: act like your not on the spectrum, than you will seem more appealing. As Dr. Love puts it “Sometimes when you like someone, you want to change things for them, including changing who you are so they will like you better. This is exhausting, and unfair both to you and them. Be who you are, because nobody else can that” (Paragraph 11).
Her other point of wisdom? Dont love too deeply. Thats is, don’t rush it. Dr. Love started to date a man she had met online, than moved across the U.S.A because she believed it was true love. If fairy Godmothers existed, this was the perfect time for one to step in. But since one did not,, she made a couple if unpleasant discoveries. Prince Charming was not so much charming, but cruel. He had a mean streak, and a girlfriend. But it seems that they were made for each other, as his other girlfriend sent demeaning messages to Dr. Love.
Walt Disney lied to us, lied to us all! No one told me that Cinderella was not a historical documentary! I’m going to complain to my dragon about this.
We will continue this topic next week, and perhaps the next couple of weeks as it is a long article, but we will reach the end...one day. But it does not hurt to visit the topic again and again, as there is no one way mr or ms. Right (poor mr. and ms. Left, no one ever looks for them), so it does not hurt to gather as much information as we can. Knowing, is only half the battle, followed by a great first impression and dress to impress, in that order. Until than, this continues to be, the Audacious Aspie.
Source used:
Doctor Love: Dating While Autistic
Welcome back everyone! This week, as you can already guess by the title, we are going to dive right back into the world of dating while Autistic!! (hollywood scream). I know that last time we all thought it would be over. That all that could be said, was said. Will, no, actually. Because it’s such a difficult terrain for us to cross, and because we don't already have enough fear and stress in our lives (especially me), I feel that we can always learn from others who have crossed that dangerous line. Coming out on the other side unscathed, physically anyways, not sure emotionally.
Everyone please welcome our next guest, from northjersey.com, Amy Gravino or, as she calls herself, Dr.Ruth of the Autistic community. What is she the doctor of? Will, love apparently. Doctor Ruth is working on a memoir, documenting her adventures in the dating world as a woman with Autism, hoping it will provide insight to others who are also on the spectrum and dating or will date. What are some of the tips that lie within the book? Let's take a look-see.
I see in my future: commitment, demands, mother and-or father in laws, and expectations. Will, maaaaybe being single is’nt sooo bad.
Try not to come out to strong, lest you chase away your prey. Telling someone you like them after just meeting them is not the best idea, it “puts a lot of pressure on that person” (northjersey.com, paragraph 3. https://www.northjersey.com/story/news/essex/montclair/2018/04/27/dr-ruth-autistic-community-amy-gravino-talks-love-dating/533360002/). Rather, it’s best if you just give it some time. Also, Doctor Ruth mentions that it seems to be sadly normal for Autistic men to be seen as “stalking”, when all they are really being is either friendly, romantic, or romantically friendly. As an Aspie male myself, I suggest we try the tactic of being a friendly romantic, just to see.
Fun fact, according to the article: ASD affects approximately 1 child for every 68. In New Jersey in particular, it is 1 for every 38, according to the Federal Centre for Disease Control and Prevention (funny how such a thing is done by an organization known for fighting deadly disease like cancer and the like. Nothing says “Autism is a terrible thing, and those that have it are dangerous” than have it called a disease that needs to be prevented and controlled. This is normalization, but not the kind we want).
Next week, we will continue looking at the article by northjersey.com, continuing to swim the terrifying, and often very difficult, waters of the dating world and Autism. They say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but with the prevailing attitudes towards us one tends to wonder what's better: kissing the fish, or cooking, sauteing, and eating them for a fancy supper (or be humane, and catch and release). Until than, this continues to be, the Audacious Aspie.
Unless they are sharks, than run. Or better yet, just don't sail in waters that contain sharks, unless your in a cage, attached to something that can bring you back up to the surface, and have nothing left to live for.
Souces used:
Training by Katie Thune (Licensed Special and Health Educator)
Sexual Health for Students with Disabilities---The Sexuality for All Abilities Curriculum Training will provide professionals with knowledge and background information in order to teach the 9 lessons in this curriculum. During this training participants will review curriculum content, key messages, and suggested activities. The group will discuss the intended audience, appropriate settings for instruction, and how to answer questions from students. Participants will have an opportunity to explore specific situations.
Purchasing the curriculum is not required but will be beneficial for participants.
Cost for Sexuality for All Abilities curriculum kit is $225. Included in the kit:
- Lesson plans, worksheets
- Flash drive with all worksheets for easy printing and videos
- Breathing Ball and Chime
- Yoga Calm Mindful Moment Cards
- Boyfriends + Girlfriends book by Terri Couwenhoven
- 5 Healthy/Unhealthy Flip books
- Red/Green cards
- Ongoing phone/email support with me as needed
- Updated flash drive mailed to them later in 2018 with our updated videos
Please email [email protected] if you would like to order the kit before the training.
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Dating With a Disability: It's Not Impossible
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When you have a physical #disability, however — and especially if you’re a wheelchair user — the obstacles increase to an almost ridiculous degree.
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All people, including those with disabilities deserve to be treated like whole sexual beings.
Sensual Solutions, a Vancouver business that hires intimacy "coaches" to help people with physical disabilities looking to explore their sexuality.
Sex, Love, and Disability: Ben Duffy’s New Documentary Exposes It All
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