The Advice of Doctor Love part 3
Welcome back to the Audacious Aspie! This week, we will finish up on the article on Doctor Love, we are so close to the end (release! Sweet release!), that we will be able to move on to another topic. And perhaps, upon performing some deep breathing, yoga, or taking medication, we can look back on all this and think to ourselves: has anything changed? Only one way to find out.
We all know the stereotype of Autism and romance: We are cold, uncaring individuals. If we were a movie villain, we would be the Terminators. But, as we and those who take the time to get to know us know, that is not the case. As the Doctor notes, we are human beings with our own feelings and passions (and kinks) just like everyone else, and it does not solely revolve around our condition. We, too, are sexual beings. Apparently, the Doctor says, most parents of Autistic/Asperger children “are afraid to let their autistic children make mistakes” (Love and sex are messy section).
See this mess? This is how messy combining one of our most intense emotions with a basic want is. Now go clean it up.
But, just as the name of the section applies, love and sex is not exactly the smoothest ride. There is a reason why lots of couples are getting divorced today, and it’s not a latest craze. To quote the doctor again “this is the stuff of life. To deny us the opportunity to embrace our sexuality is to deny us the human experience.” (Love and sex are messy section). And now, we come to the section of the article that involves dating tips. But there’s a twist, it’s for the Neurotypicals.
Number 1: Expect the Unexpected. As you may already know, those of us on the spectrum don’t usually express ourselves in the same way as most other people do, either verbally or not. And there is the hint: our gums may not be flapping a whole lot, but our body actions can speak volumes.
Number 2: If your dropping hints, might as will speak in tongues. Hints for us is like trying to decipher code: we won’t always know what you are trying to say, or completely scramble the message altogether. Think of it like this: If you’re trying to shoot a target, actually try to shoot the target, not to the side in hopes that it will move towards the bullet. It won’t. Or, remember the wise words of Yoda “do, or do not. There is no try”. Because, as a warning, we ourselves are nothing if not straight shooters in this regard.
And finally, number 3, and from what I can see, the Autistic/Asperger community cannot stress this enough: Don't. Take. it. Personally. We will, more often than not (varying on how for along the spectrum your date is on), need time to be on our own for some R@R. Being around people all the time can be stress testing at best, exhausting at worst. So when we say we need to be alone, it means we need to be alone, not to be alone with you, or anyone else. Alone. Imagine it being with a machine constantly emitting a low buzzing sound, times by however many other people there within hearing distance as will, and you’ll have a general idea of what it’s like.
Will, that sums it up for the Doctor of Love. There are tips for being a person on the spectrum dating someone who is neurotypical, but I’ll leave it for you to look it up in the link description below. What will we look at next week? I don’t know. I mean, it’s a surprise (for me as much as it is for you). Until next time, this continues to be, the Audacious Aspie.
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