HOW TO SOCIALIZE, THE AUTISM EDITION

Hello again, and welcome, to the Audacious Aspie’s third installment. I thought it fitting to expand on one of the topics I mentioned in the first post, the trials and tribulations of SOCIAL INTERACTIONS!!  (que movie screams). You may be wondering where most of my information comes from when writing this blog (besides, you know, the fact that I am autistic myself). My mother helped a lot when it came to the understanding why I did the things I did, as well as how to deal with my learning disabilities and my high anxiety. Most of the things I type in here, I learned from her.

 

I touched a bit on it earlier, but just in case you still have questions, I thought it prudent to dig deeper into this part of the rather odd but marvelous syndrome that is the topic of the post. Finish-up praying to your individual gods or belief systems but know this, where we are going...nothing will be able to save you.

 

On the internet, no one can hear you scream (but feel free to type it, as long and as large a lettering as you want).

 

 

If you remember from my very first post, my first audition, I started talking about interests and how important they are when completing the social exam, but what I did not say was just how important. Our interests are more than just interests. They are obsessions, literal obsessions. We eat, breath, and dream (both day and night) about our obsessions, even write books about them! (And yet, I have neither the “eureka!” moment nor the drive to write one in the same way as this blog.) In fact, our obsessions can be the greatest weapon when it comes to cracking that shell of ours.

 

 

There is a paradox within us where, if having a discussion about a topic that does not particularly interest us, we are more than willing to let the other person enjoy the limelight, speaking only when necessary to, most of the time listening respectively. Does this mean that we are ignoring you most of the time, waiting to switch the conversation to something that we like? Not at all. Usually it means that, either: A: we do not know enough, or feel that we don't know enough, about the topic to add anything meaningful.

 

Or B: we are too nervous to speak much, so we keep quiet, not exactly sure what to say. Sometimes, people just act that way because they are mean and unfriendly to begin with. But if the topic of discussion comes around to our obsession, we are more likely to talk. And talk. And talk, cracking our social anxiety shell wide open then grinding it to dust, the change might be...shocking, to say the least. Depending on the severity, prepare to be taught everything under the sun about the object of our obsessions. What can constitute as an obsession? I would list them, one after another, but then we’d be here all of this year plus next year.

 

 

On the upside, doing so would free up huge amounts of my time, giving me more free time for work or recreational activities! Oh, if only it were that easy (mind you, it would be more a positive for me, than for you). But because doing so would risk having my blog be the first in the world cancelled because it was so boring, then having a reputation as the most boring man on campus, here is a shortened version of the list: if it was discovered, created, thought of, spoken by, worshipped, tasted, or otherwise acknowledged by a human, it counts as an obsession.  

 

This can include:

• Comics (obviously),
• The weather (not so much) and, yes,
• Math (though contrary to popular belief, not all of us are good at, or even remotely interested in, math).

 

As is natural and like everyone else, we want to find out more about our obsession, from who made it to what it’s about and sift through thousands of fan-theories (and make some of our own). And from this research we gain our vast knowledge of the topic, enabling us to hold our own in an engaging conversation about the topic.

 

But there is another bit regarding our social interactions, one that I myself have experienced. We tend to find it easier to befriend those of the opposite sex, for reasons other than sex. Why? Confrontation and acceptance, but let me explain. Although it does not happen as much today as it did in highschool, I found that most people are less accepting of those of their same gender who do not always partake in or exhibit social norms expected of them. For example: young men, or at least male teens, are expected to act in an alpha-male like manner towards those of the same sex. To partake in a game of dominance. Those who do not, either because they fail to see why or do not know how, are judged to be weak and unworthy.

 

Young women, on the other hand, seem not to hold such expectations, or are more accepting of those who do not fit such narrow boxes. However, there is a double standard here: Just because young women tend to be more accepting of men deviating from the such social norms, that does not mean that they are always just as accepting of their own members deviating from their own social norms. The men, on the other hand, care very little more often than not.

 

Fortunately, we mature as we grow up. And from what I have seen, those who deviate from the norm are accepted more and more from their peers on sides of the gender spectrum. Today, I find it easier to meet men who differ from the norms as much as I do. Think of it this way: you know in comics, were normally amongst a group of heroes, you will have one person who represents a social minority, the rest representing the social majority?

 

Will, in my high school years, and a bit beyond, that was, for the most part, my circle of friends. And I have no complaints.          

 

And thus, we have delved more into frightening and confusing world of social interaction. We might visit it again sometime, perhaps years into the future. In the meantime, heave a sigh of relief as it is all over. At least we did not talk more about the dating game right? Ha ha ha ha…(shudder). But what shall be discussed next? Tune in to find out on Audacious Aspie!